Archive for relationships

Relationships: “Don’t ever leave me , but please leave me alone.”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on July 10, 2009 by scientificallychaotic

Interesting title, I know.

But I find that relationships encompase a large majority of people’s lives.  We spend an extreme amount of our time in both pursuing and maintaing romantic relationships. . . .

Psychology Today had an interesting article posted about all the ‘small’ things that couples do to tear apart their relationships.  I found it interesting and decided to write aboout it.

I will start with the following quote from the article itself:

“The ability to eliminate relationship irritants lies within each of us. They may sabotage good relationships or not. It all depends on how you interpret the problem.”

Each of us should be taking personal responsibility, first and foremost, thinking diligently at all times.  Relationships are more than a full-time job and even more important because in most cases a shaken marriage/relationship is as good as a shaken foundation for a home.  It is weak. It is unpredictible. It is volatile.

Here are the “small things:”

1: “It’s Deliberate”

This is explained as, “If you loved me you would stop driving me crazy with . . .”  One party assumes that the other party is purposefully annoying them, when in fact they are probably just acting normally and in a relaxed state.

2:  “Messiness”

One partner is ALWAYS messier than the other. Get over it and be considerate for each other when you can. LoL!

3: “Feeling Unloved”

This was interesting.  It talks a bit about how often when one party starts to YELL they are seeking attention, affection, or some form of re-affirmation.  So this is trying to see past the hurtful things your significant other may be saying, and looking for what they need from you.  This may involved reassuring them that they could rant, rave and explode….but you will always be there.

4: “Feeling Unappreciated”

Focus less on what you are GETTING and more on what you are GIVING.  This means that if significant others watch out for the best interests of each other they will both end up feeling appreciated and loved essentially.

5: “Feeling Controlled”

No human likes to feel as if they are being controlled, but sometimes we need to take a step back and think that perhaps our significant other is really just trying to help and/or has your best interest in mind. :p

6: “Not feeling intimate”

This part was so good I’ll copy and paste it:

A couple, both young, successful lawyers, wanted a baby. But they had begun fighting in a way that made them feel hopeless about the relationship. Once home from work, she wanted to discuss their money problems; all he wanted was quiet. She’d follow him from room to room as he tried to escape conversation, ultimately planting herself in his path. Then he’d push her. By the time they sought therapy, they’d concluded they couldn’t bring a child into such a violent environment.

Madanes said there was something the husband could do, but it was difficult and she wasn’t sure he could do it. “I can do it,” the husband insisted.

“In the future, whenever she begins to go after you and wants to discuss money—whether at home, at a party, on the street—put your hand under her blouse or her skirt and fondle her.”

“You’re not going to do that!” said the woman. “Oh yes I am!” said the man.

Not only did the tactic successfully interrupt the pattern of angry confrontation, it transformed it into a playful and warm dynamic. Within a month, she was pregnant.

Like all relationship irritants, lack of intimacy is a two-way street. If you’re meeting all your partner’s needs and filling him or her up with love daily, you’ll both feel warm and close. “I hear so many men say, ‘My wife suddenly left me, and I can’t understand why, I gave her everything,'” says Madanes. “I say, ‘You gave her everything except what she needed!'”   –Psychology Today

This is SUCH a true statement…. We all need to LISTEN carefully!

7: “Flirting”

Insecurities and other things often breeds flirting with others.  The general rule: DON’T DO IT!!!

8: “Personality Conflicts:

This is just something you have to work on and be understanding about. 😀

9: “Lack of Fairness”

Couples should come to an agreement on how the household should be run basically.  It says that couples that try to spilt responsibilities down the middle tend to be the most un-happy, but everyone has to figure out what works for them.

10: “Critisicims”

Don’t get stuck in a rut of nagging each other basically. You should be building each other up and not breaking each other down.

Go check out the article yourself here.

Until my next inspiration,

❤ The Chaotic Questioner ❤